Wednesday, May 23, 2012

life lesson


I don't know where to start, seriously. This is awkward. Cause I'm gonna storytell something that a bit private to me but I think I need to speak this out loud. I just want to share, sharing is loving I believe. 

First, hey I'm going to be twenty. I'm a big big girl in this big big world. 

I have one week left before I end my first year degree. Times fly, so fast. It never waiting you. 

Yeah, You live with people, I live with people. Honestly I might look "sombong" yea that's typical. I've been labeled with that long time ago. I'm not sure why, I don't smile often, I brisk walking I don't really greet every person I meet along the street, I'm short sighted sometimes I didn't put my glasses when people smile at me I don't know u're doing that cause I tak nampak! Sometimes I don't even talk much.  Few reasons I can give why they always say I'm sombong.  

To be frank, I'm not the type who would give a damn on what's happening around me. Like, I have my own world, I'm comfortable with that. I listen to my music, I dance to my beat, I wear my clothes, I read my kind of books, I don't run with crowd I go my own way. That's me. Maybe I'm used to it you can say for I'm the only child in my family. My upbringing that shaped me for how I see things around me. Everybody has their own skeleton in their closet. I had my history. I have my own reasons why I don't really open up, I don't want myself to get hurt and I build the wall to see who cares enough to break it. I run away sometimes to see who dare enough to follow me. I dissent myself sometimes of I'm afraid that my words, my present could hurt certain people without me knowing it. I don't want them to get upset & they talk behind me for things I did wrong. I had it enough.

But sometimes I wonder why would people give a shit about me. I don't talk about u behind your back, well I also got certain things that I don't like about you/people but as far as I try I can comprehend with it. I keep it inside, I keep things in line. I do that for you and me. Cause I know u have your reasons that I might not know. I don't want to judge u, I try not to hurt u cause I don't want you to hurt me too. Unfortunately people didn't do the same. 

I'm sorry I disappointed u did it for I didn't do it to you. I'm sorry that I need time to pick up the pieces and build it again. I'm sorry i really need time to handle that. I'm sorry for I may look strong but that doesn't mean it's okay to hurt me then. When I get hurt, I'm sorry that I need to have time on my own to set up everything again. I'm sorry once I make up my mind I may seem harder. Please don't just expect me to walk away, forgive and forget every single thing like it never happened.

 I just taught sometimes people who hurt me are so lucky cause I don't know how to hurt em back. 

So for what u did to me, I may forgive every single thing If and only If u're sorry and u really mean it. Cause I learn that forgive is one hardest part of life that I need to get used to. But dear, forgive doesn't mean forget. Certain respect dat u've lost I'm sorry I really can't help. 

And people, If they be true to themselves & not blindfolded they'll see the truth. I pray to Allah that they'll see what is right & wut is wrong.

Life is long, and I choose to be strong. Allah, He's always by my side.

I'm still learning the life lesson.

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